Having a younger daughter basically means my wife and I have seen every animated cartoon movie known to man. Honestly, we even find ourselves quoting animated movie lines during adult conversations—which can be a little embarrassing. Of course, I’m about to quote yet another cartoon movie, but only because the line really resonated with me.

The movie was The Incredibles, and the line came during a scene where the villain—like all villains do—took the time to explain his evil plan to Mr. Incredible. His scheme was to make everyone a “superhero” using his gadgets and gizmos, and in doing so, he said:
“When everyone’s super… no one will be.”

I’d like to connect that animated gem to something both personal and professional.

My daughter used to be in a baton twirling group. Yes, I’ll admit, I was surprised to learn that baton twirling is still a thing. But apparently, it is—and it even comes with the possibility of earning scholarship money for college. Who knew?

I remember her big competition one year. The parents were all gathered with their camera phones, the girls were in glitzy outfits, and loud music cued the routines on the gym floor. Then, off in the corner, there it was: a big table proudly supporting hundreds of trophies. And at the end of the day, each participant, of course, received a gigantic trophy simply for being part of the program.

While being part of a program is great, what we should really be celebrating is being an exceptional part of the program. Participation trophies, though well-meaning in their attempt to foster self-esteem, can sometimes have the opposite effect. Even kids can sense when an award doesn’t represent genuine achievement.

Which brings me to self-esteem.

All of us—whether parents, guardians, grandparents, teachers, or mentors—want our children to grow into confident individuals who believe in themselves and their abilities. But what we really need to build in them is what I call authentic confidence, because self-esteem can be fleeting.

Even as adults, we have days when we feel on top of our game—we have the answers, others seek our input, and everything flows. Then there are days when we feel drained or unsure if we even deserve our title or position, as if we’ve somehow lost the ability to move forward. That’s because self-esteem fluctuates—it can shift by the day, or even by the hour.

But authentic confidence is different. It doesn’t fade because it’s built on integrity, honesty, and hard work. It’s earned. And because it’s earned, it sticks with us—even on the days when our self-esteem wavers. With perseverance and character, we can weather the natural ups and downs of how we feel about ourselves.

When we choose to recognize only the average—or reward everyone the same just for participating—we unintentionally do a disservice to those who invested extra time, worked harder, or are exceptionally gifted. Don’t get me wrong—participating in sports, clubs, and other activities is valuable and should absolutely be acknowledged. But not everyone is the club president, the MVP, or on the Honor Roll.

Because after all, if everyone is super… then no one is.